THE INCREDIBLE LEMON-SUCKING BOY OF BRINNINGTON

(ACTUAL TRANSCRIPT OF DEBRIEFING SESSION)

PROZAC: I'm certain that this is an alien/human hybrid, Sertraline. My God, I mean could you admit to being the mother?
SERTRALINE: I know what you're thinking, Prozac, but you're asking me to forget my medical training. Take a close look at this. This is actually a very rare example of a congenital defect known as exodentia. Affecting only a single birth in every ten million and specific to a relatively restricted area in the North of England, this is a malformation of the teeth, gums and cheeks. The initial inversion is triggered at the foetal stage causing the molars and pre-molars, along with the gums into which they are fixed, to form outside the cheeks. The cheeks, however, continue to develop but do so inside the gums causing small fleshy pockets to form within the mouth similar to those found in hamsters. Although particularly hideous to look at there is relatively little discomfort experienced and the alternative formation of the mouth has proved particularly useful for chewing tobacco. Attempts to explain the cause of the disorder have so far failed. No bacteriological, virological or genetic basis has been located and the only exegesis so far offered has emanated from a fringe medical group whose research indicates that there is a particularly high incidence of children born with the defect to women of a nervous disposition who have attended gurning competitions in the early stages of pregnancy.
GENERAL MALAISE: Alternatively it could simply be a photograph of a boy sucking in his cheeks.
PROZAC & SERTRALINE: (Long Pause......) We've been stitched, Sir!

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